We have a saying in Hungarian: “Little kids little problems, big kids big problems.”
I don’t know if that’s true but I think I can argue that maybe they just forgot that it wasn’t all roses and pink baby cheeks to be kissed.
So much advice is out there that just isn’t applicable for new moms. Those early years can be overwhelming. The hardest maybe.
You are somehow left with a nagging feeling that you should instinctively know what is best for your child.
Intuitively feel what you have to say in any given moment.
And if that doesn’t happen then you are doomed.
Feelings of guilt, shame, overwhelm and unhappiness can creep up. And you try to keep the appearance of normality but deep down you know that something is not right. Not right at all.
When you try to voice your concerns, people keep asking: it is hard isn’t it?
But offer you real solutions? Not so.
Maybe you don’t even know what the problem is. Although tiny clues throughout the day show something is off.
Your kids are suddenly not listening anymore. Resist going to bed. Bath time turns from joyful part of the day to struggle of the week.
You lose your confidence in parenting really quick and if your partner isn’t making it easier either, then you can find yourself in a hopeless rut.
But as with lots of things in life, there is always a way out.
A way where you feel empowered, confident and joyful again.
But you have to go through certain steps to get there:
- Acknowledge how hard it is. What a hard time you are having with your children.
- Name the most difficult part of your parenting you are struggling with.
- Write down your vision. How you want it to be.
- Pinpoint one idea that comes up in your mind that can be a solution. It doesn’t have to be THE solution, but just something that can help you go in the right direction.
- Test it out. Consciously incorporate it into your day. Give it some time. 3-4 days can be sometimes enough.
If it works, cool! If not try something else. It’s a work in progress.
The most important thing is firmly believing you are enough! You’re doing your best, all you can, with the knowledge and experience you have NOW, for the sake of your children.
What they say is true: when a baby is born, a mother is born too. The woman existed, but the mother is new!
Children don’t need perfect mothers (by the way… perfect mothers do not exist). They need good mothers who are willing to learn and grow with them.
Trust yourself and your inner strength, you’ll try, you’ll make mistakes, you’ll learn, you’ll grow.